


Please Do Not Provide Shipping Fuel to Cherry Blossoms

by cresselia8themoon



Category: Milo Murphy's Law
Genre: Gen, Humor, Ship Tease for Zalissa, Ship tease Dakavendish, Ship tease Milanda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 04:08:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15900597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cresselia8themoon/pseuds/cresselia8themoon
Summary: Lydia's matchmaking scheme to get Amanda and Milo together underneath the cherry blossoms like a romantic scene in an anime goes awry. Oneshot.





	Please Do Not Provide Shipping Fuel to Cherry Blossoms

**Author's Note:**

> Okay this went through a lot of title changes. A lot.

“Attention all students and faculty. Due to an incident at the Danville Botanical Garden which involved a pair of escaped capybaras, a jar of dill pickles, and a certain walking disaster magnet-” 

Everyone glanced at Milo, who just smiled and shrugged under all the attention. 

“-their cherry blossom trees have been relocated to our campus until they can get the piranha-infested water drained from the exhibit. Wishing the best of luck to people with allergies. You’re gonna need it.” 

Even the sky was tinged pink with falling flower petals. Lydia sighed dreamily, knowing that the only thing they needed was a lovely white bridge over a flowing stream and the school would become the spitting image of the Japanese rom-coms she loved so much. 

Speaking of rom-coms.... 

Amanda liked order. Milo attracted danger. 

Amanda planned out every minute of her day. Milo just rolled with the punches. 

And Lydia knew a good plot when she saw one. 

She tapped Chad on the shoulder. “Hey, are you gonna eat that pastry?” she asked, pointing to a wrapped kolache at the corner of his desk. 

Chad snatched it up immediately, and Lydia raised her eyebrow at the blinding speed he displayed when he held the kolache out to her. “Yeah, sure. I was full anyway,” he shrugged, in an obvious attempt to play it cool. “Heavy breakfast.” 

Lydia gingerly took it from him, and Chad slumped backwards in his chair in relief. She stored the kolache in her backpack, moving a few small theater props to another pocket so they wouldn’t squish it. 

It wasn’t exactly toast, but it would have to do. 

* * *

 

Amanda always hung around the schoolyard at 3:15 pm on Tuesday. She claimed it was her fresh air time. It didn’t matter to Lydia though. Amanda was precisely where Lydia wanted her. 

Milo, Melissa, and Zack were hanging around the roots of the largest cherry blossom tree in the yard. For some reason, Elliot was peering at them with a pair of binoculars from the middle of the street. Predictably, several cars almost ran him over. 

She took the kolache out of her backpack, rushing over to Milo. “Hey, just the guy I wanted to see!” Lydia exclaimed, shoving the pastry into Milo’s hands. “Put this in your mouth and walk over to Amanda!” 

Milo took a tentative bite out of the kolache. “Thanks. I was getting hungry!” he said. 

Lydia rolled her eyes. “No, I mean just put a corner in your mouth and let the rest hang out! Pretend you’re running late for school and you haven’t finished breakfast yet!”

“Um, sure?” Milo said, looking slightly confused. He bit down on the corner a little too hard, and the rest of the kolache plopped to the ground. A flock of pigeons immediately descended upon it, sending Diogee (where did he come from?) into a bird-chasing frenzy. 

Unfortunately, the pigeons flew directly into Elliot. “BIRDS! WHY IS IT ALWAYS BIRDS?” he shrieked loudly, abandoning his post as he tried to escape the onslaught of pigeon excretions. 

“Forget the kolache!” Lydia commanded, shoving Milo in Amanda’s direction. “Just go! And if you could add a little Murphy’s Law for some dramatic flair, that would be great too.” 

“That’s not exactly how Murphy’s Law works,” Milo said. “It just happens.”

Lydia just shooed him off. 

“Okay, what’s up?” Melissa asked. She folded her arms and waited for an explanation. 

Lydia laughed nervously. “Homework for media class?” 

“Nice try, but I’m not seeing any recording devices out,” Melissa smirked. “You’re just winggirling without Amanda’s knowledge, aren’t you?” 

“What? Of course not!” Lydia plucked several petals off a nearby tree to distract herself from the conversation. She was caught in the act and she knew it. 

Amanda was taking pictures of the cherry blossoms on her phone when Milo coughed into his hand to get her attention. She yelped, dropping her planner. Milo bent down to pick up it, but Zack blocked her view before she could see what happened next. 

“Look, between the cherry blossoms providing the perfect setup, and you insisting that Milo carry the kolache like a Japanese schoolgirl, it’s obvious you’re just trying to reenact Super Happy Academy G,” Zack said. 

Lydia couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across her face. “Actually I was thinking of Rainbow Pop Idols when I was making this plan, but now that you mention Super Happy Academy G-” 

Melissa scowled at him. “You just had to give her ideas.” 

“It’s not like she was being specific about the whole toast and cherry blossom petals thing! How was I supposed to know what anime she was talking about?” Zack protested. 

An entire plot started to form in Lydia’s head. Amanda would be the perpetual worrier, a girl stuck in the unforgiving world of middle school, who thought she didn’t exhibit any particular talent due to being surrounded by skilled peers. Milo as the mysterious delinquent who had a bunch of rumors tailing him. Then fate would smile upon them as they crashed into each other in a thunderstorm, setting the course for a blossoming romance despite their different interests....

_“I’ll protect you, Amanda-chan,” Milo said tenderly, as the scenery changed into a shining field of red and white roses, a gentle breeze ruffling through their hair when he leaned in for the kiss...._

Only for her fantasies to shatter when high-pitched squealing interrupted her train of thought. 

“AWWW THEY’RE SO ADORABLE! CAN WE NAME THEM? TOO LATE CAUSE I’M CALLING THE GREEN ONE ARTHUR!” 

The ground shook as the trees suddenly uprooted themselves from the ground, petals and twigs flying everywhere. Melissa, Zack, and Lydia scrambled onto the path to avoid the strange root-feet. Amanda shrieked, flipping frantically through her planner. She didn’t seem to notice Milo pulling her behind a bench for cover. 

The tallest cherry blossom towered above all the other trees, a feminine face poking out from its bark. Its branched hands clutched two men who looked like they’d just come from fashion police jail.  

“This is your fault, Dakota!” the man in green yelled furiously. 

Dakota barely reacted, looking resigned to being treated like a doll. “Hey, Cavendish, did you do something different with your mustache today?” 

“Really, now you notice?” Cavendish complained. “Hey, don’t change the subject! I’m not done scolding you for your carelessness!” 

The tree was insistent on mashing their faces together, much to their displeasure. “You’re fighting, now you gotta kiss and make up!” she giggled.

Before anyone could make a plan of action, they were surrounded by dozens of giggling cherry blossoms. Zack balked as a smaller one cooed at the texture of his hair. 

“These two were arguing! Totally a couple!” 

“Aww, you think they’ve already had their beach trip already? That’s what every cute couple does!” 

“Or share an umbrella? I love it when they share umbrellas!” 

“We’re not a couple!” Zack and Melissa shouted at the same time, then glared at each other. “Don’t talk when I’m talking! Argh, now you’re just giving them what they want!” 

“Oh, I get it now! You two are in that stage where you haven’t realized you’re in love with each other! It’s all good!” 

“Ladies, look what I found over here!” a different cherry blossom called. She swatted away the bench that Milo and Amanda had ducked behind, leaving them wide open for attack. “We got another pair of cuties!” 

“Hey! I didn’t schedule a time slot for sentient trees to attack! Go away!” Amanda shouted. 

But the cherry blossoms just giggled at her boldness. 

A leafy hand patted Lydia’s head, leaving a trail of pink flowers in her hair. “What about this one?” someone asked. 

“We’ll find someone compatible for her later,” the tallest tree declared. “Bring them all to the garden, and we’ll have a wonderful time!” 

* * *

 

They were left in a flowery prison while the cherry blossoms searched for Lydia’s ‘partner’. Two remained behind to act as guards, though it was obvious they wanted to stay and watch any romantic action that cropped up from being trapped together. 

Melissa glanced at Cavendish and Dakota, who refused all eye contact with each other. “So, you guys know how they got sentience?” she asked. 

“Dakota stole a sentience inducer from Savannah and Brick and was zapping his potato chips with it,” Cavendish explained. “Then it went berserk from excessive use and the rays hit the trees.”

Dakota examined a potato chip, which was clearly screaming for its life. He shrugged and tossed it in his mouth. “They have a lot of cool stuff. I can’t help it. I’ll be more careful.” 

“Obviously,” Cavendish muttered, folding his arms in exasperation. “You said that the last ten times you stole restricted technology and they caused trouble! And don’t even get me started on the mammal gun!” 

Dakota snickered. “You should’ve kept the cat tail.” 

“Not in front of the children!” Cavendish growled. 

“Awwww!” the guards exclaimed, their hands clasped to the center of their trunks.

“If you two ever give sentience to venus fly traps, we’ll consider putting you in solitary confinement so we don’t have to deal with crazy plant agendas,” Melissa said. 

This entire situation was messed up. Since when was Milo the safest person to be around? 

Amanda huddled over her planner protectively. “So, how are you holding up?” Lydia asked. 

“Could be better,” Amanda muttered. “I wouldn’t mind facing the Pistachions again. At least they didn’t try to dictate my social life.” 

“Your social life under the Pistachions involved subjugation of the entire human race,” Lydia said. 

Amanda shrugged. “Still preferable to this.” 

The vines retracted from the top of their cell, allowing a cherry blossom to deposit a desk inside. “It’ll be a good prop for later!” she explained excitedly to the guards. 

While they debated switching Zack to being Milo’s ‘suitable partner’, Melissa and Amanda scrutinized the desk closely. There was definitely something familiar about it. 

“Um, someone should probably check the underside of that desk,” Zack suggested, backing into a corner. 

“It can’t possibly hurt you,” Cavendish huffed. 

“Yeah, until you guys somehow bring this one to life and give it the intelligence it needs to enslave us,” Melissa muttered. 

Lydia quickly shoved them away from each other before the argument could escalate. “Okay, that’s enough. We’re already puppets and I don’t want those pansies adding some tragic tale of woe about you arguing with an old guy over some angsty teenage thing.” 

Cavendish folded his arms. “I’m not that old.”

“Kid’s got a point. You’re exactly the type of person who yells at kids to get off your lawn,” Dakota said. “And refuses to give them back their soccer ball. And launch into back-in-my-day stories. And-”  

Cavendish quickly covered Dakota’s mouth. “They get the point.” 

Following Zack’s suggestion, Milo bent down to check the underside of the desk. He gasped, knocking his head against the wooden frame before huddling with Zack in the corner. 

“Guys, that’s Oakley!” Milo yelled. “Everyone get away from the center now!” 

Melissa and Dakota had to forcibly pull Cavendish to a nearby wall. Lydia and Amanda moved to a nearby corner, waiting for the one-woman cavalry to arrive. 

It didn’t take long for buzzing and screaming to fill the air. The guards clutched their weapons, swinging them wildly as they searched for the source of the disturbance. Though their weapons were pom-poms made out of flowers. Besides giving someone allergies, she didn’t see how they expected to hurt their enemies. 

A shape emerged from the forest, dragging something large and heavy behind them. A pair of thick boots crushed petals and broken twigs underfoot, their torn dress swaying in the breeze. Their hair was freed from a tight bun, falling in their face. But it didn’t obscure the fearsome predatory look in their eyes. 

Their primal posture shifted, and they hefted a bright orange chainsaw above their head. 

“THIS IS FOR YOU, MY LOVE!” Mrs. Murawski screeched. She sliced a guard’s branched arms, then pushed the chainsaw directly in its face. 

Cavendish and Dakota glanced at Milo for an explanation. 

“She’s in love with her desk,” Milo said awkwardly. “You don’t want details.” 

Mrs. Murawski bellowed a battle cry, knocking out the flower pom-poms of the other guard with a swift kick. She swiped at its roots with the chainsaw, sending it tumbling to the ground. 

“I’ve got a question for you, pansy,” Mrs. Murawski spat at the fallen guard as she climbed onto its trunk, chainsaw raised for the killing blow. “If a cherry blossom falls in the forest, does it stop being a desk-stealing jerk?” 

The poor cherry blossom was reduced to splinters before it could reply. 

* * *

 

“Whoa. What happened here?” Mort asked, marveling at the destroyed vegetation in the schoolyard. Since he’d volunteered to shelve library books after school, he’d missed all the action. Lucky him, Lydia thought. 

“The cherry blossoms stole Oakley and Mrs. Murawski went yandere on them,” Lydia explained. 

Everyone glanced at Mrs. Murawski, who was lying on top of Oakley. She was clearly her in own little world, and nobody wanted to incur her wrath by disturbing her. 

“You know, cherry blossoms only open for a few days out of the year,” Mort mused. “So they’re associated with the beauty and fragility of life in addition to being symbols of love.” 

“Cavendish, are you okay?” Milo asked in concern. “Your face is all red!” 

Lydia couldn’t help but laugh at his beet-red face, which clashed strongly with his green formal suit. 

“Oh, would you look at that?” Dakota held up his wrist, though he was obviously not wearing a watch. “I just remembered we have this very important time-traveling mission, so we should really get going. Saving the world important stuff. Utmost importance.” 

They high-tailed it out of there, refusing to look anyone in the eye. 

“I guess liking someone is still confusing for adults,” Amanda whispered to Lydia. 

Lydia shrugged. “Don’t worry. I’ll be here to make sure you and Milo aren’t complete idiots like those guys were.”

“Gah!” Amanda hid her face in her hands.

Lydia giggled. She had another matchmaking plan in the works. And she couldn’t wait to implement it. 


End file.
